Ephemerally Yours

More entries about farting.

I am typing in the cafteria at school as we speak and the darling young lady behind me just let out a horrific fart. To misquote Hamlet, It smells to hell.

Later that day...
I had to get up and move. I was becoming so overwhelming that I thought I may have to cough, so I left; and I think she knew why I did. I was naturally curious to see what kind of person could generate a smell so powerful that it the scents of pizza, subway, chick-fil-a, and home cookin' combined could succumb to it. So when I got up, I casually turned toward her, and she looked directly at me. I tried to give her a reassuring look, but it came out more like, "yeah, I know it was you".

The breath of life.

I picked this up at walmart today. It's a scratch-n-sniff card for tampax tampons. Apparently their marketing department decided that our vaginas did not smell fresh enough. What better way to start a menstrual cycle than with a preview of what the inside of my bleeding vagina might smell like to her next visitor? On the flap it says "lift here and take a breath". I suppose instructions could apply to the vagina as well.

Murder in the 1st degree.

A portition of a conversation between Edward and I last night:

Me: Wait, what was that noise?
Him: What?
Me: It sounded like you farted on the phone reciever.
Him: No I don't know what that was, but I did do that today.
Me: What? You farted on the phone?
Him: Yeah this customer called and I was really busy, he wouldn't stop asking me to look for games so I told him to hold on and I farted into the phone.
Me: (laughing hysterically) So, wait, was this sort of pre-meditated, or what?
Him: Yeah, I had been holding it in for a while.